{It still seems a little surreal that this is now a chapter in our story.}
We were thrilled to find out in March (on my 30th birthday!) that we were expecting baby # 3. Of course, we instantly started processing and dreaming of what life would be like come October. Three little ones!
Between 10-11 weeks into my uneventful pregnancy, I started bleeding and after 2 days on bed rest, on a Sunday evening, the bleeding intensified and we scrambled to get to the ER. While at the ER I "actively miscarried" our third little one.
After an evening in the ER with ultrasounds, doctors, fluids (for a lot of blood loss in a little amount of time,) we walked out around midnight with a "good and healthy" report, but trying to process the turn of events and the loss of the baby we would no longer raise.
Liz passed along this (Inheritance of Tears: Trusting the Lord of Life when Death Visits the Womb) book the next day, and y'all it is so good and has been so encouraging. I would recommend it if you've experienced miscarriage, or if you haven't.
"Death experienced within the womb is a direct result of sin. While Christ's death on the cross has paid the penalty for our sin once and for all, we still eagerly await the day when our Savior will return and do away with the horrible consequences of sin forever... Oh, how we long for his return! In that day our suffering will be eclipsed by the glories of eternal life in Christ Jesus, and our physical bodies will no longer be subjected to decay and brokenness." p. 24
"This is a good gift from God. It allows us to gain perspective on this life. Our lives on this Earth are a mist, appearing and then all too quickly vanishing. The good and joyful gifts of grace that we partake of in this fleeting life, as well as the trials and sorrows we encounter, will be instantly overshadowed by the coming joy that awaits us for all of eternity... Painful trials like miscarriage are a means by which God can effectively direct our gaze toward our eternal future with Him." p. 81
After an evening in the ER with ultrasounds, doctors, fluids (for a lot of blood loss in a little amount of time,) we walked out around midnight with a "good and healthy" report, but trying to process the turn of events and the loss of the baby we would no longer raise.
Liz passed along this (Inheritance of Tears: Trusting the Lord of Life when Death Visits the Womb) book the next day, and y'all it is so good and has been so encouraging. I would recommend it if you've experienced miscarriage, or if you haven't.
We've been learning and processing a lot over the past month. Tears have been shed, perspectives change, the Lord is faithful. This makes us look forward to a day where death is no more! Here are a couple quotes from the book that encouraged me...
"Death experienced within the womb is a direct result of sin. While Christ's death on the cross has paid the penalty for our sin once and for all, we still eagerly await the day when our Savior will return and do away with the horrible consequences of sin forever... Oh, how we long for his return! In that day our suffering will be eclipsed by the glories of eternal life in Christ Jesus, and our physical bodies will no longer be subjected to decay and brokenness." p. 24
"This is a good gift from God. It allows us to gain perspective on this life. Our lives on this Earth are a mist, appearing and then all too quickly vanishing. The good and joyful gifts of grace that we partake of in this fleeting life, as well as the trials and sorrows we encounter, will be instantly overshadowed by the coming joy that awaits us for all of eternity... Painful trials like miscarriage are a means by which God can effectively direct our gaze toward our eternal future with Him." p. 81
It has surprised me how many women have said "I've experienced miscarriage too". It makes me sad that this seems to be a group of women who often grieve and process alone.
Community is so beautiful. Even though this issue is one of such a personal nature (maybe why people shy away from sharing their loss?), We've been so blessed by our friends, family and church walking it with us and reaching out to encourage us. We've had friends love us so well. Praying for us, asking how we are doing, texting us to check in... oh what a blessing!
As we've processed through emotions, the overwhelming emotion is thankfulness. How amazing that we can trust in the Lord's good providence in the midst of sadness!? The Lord has been so gracious to allow a peace that can only come from Him. His presence has been very real.
So much to be thankful for!
-Less than 24 hours before, Chad was in India and I was road tripping by myself with the boys back to Clemson.
-A husband who took over and served me and our boys, as I had to be lying down. It is hard with little ones not to get up and help do stuff.
-Friends who show up in minutes (having no idea what is going on) to take care of our boys so we can rush to the hospital.
-A peace, while sitting on blood soaked towels in the ER, that can only come from Him.
-Not having to have a D&C and my body healing quickly.
-Women at church who stop me in passing and say "I heard what happened. I'm sorry. I've been there too."
-2 healthy little boys that keep me busy, laughing, and my arms full.
Isn't it funny how a song will randomly pop in your head? Well, this old Mercy Me song for some reason has been on repeat in my head (and apparently out loud too... I heard Grayson singing the lyrics I seem to be repeating). I really love the words to it.
bring me joy, bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free
bring me anything that brings you glory
and I know there'll be days,
when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise you,
Jesus, bring the rain.
Praise Him that we can grieve with hope. That our loss can be for HIS glory. Come, Lord Jesus!
